Uses for cheap vodka? Alternative household cleaner that's relatively expensive.

Like the Dude from The Big Lebowski, I use vodka for one reason: making the milkshake of cocktails, the White Russian (or Caucasian, as the Dude calls it in the Coen brothers' cult classic). Except, instead of adding half and half cream and its in-the-teens percentage fat, I pour 1% low-fat milk in with the coffee liqueur and vodka—you could call it a Slim Russian (or Slimcasian). I'm trying to be as cool as the Dude, not as bloated.

And that's what vodka is used for—drinking, imbibing, sipping, downing, drowning your sorrow and memories of your ex-girlfriend who dumped you via text message, whatever-you-want-to-call-it—right? Apparently, that's only one of oh-so many uses, the rest having nothing to do with lowering your ability to operate heavy machinery or filling the hole in your chest where your heart once was before some bitch ripped it out with "srsly, u r crpy, its ovr. l8r 4evr."

When doing my daily Digg-ing yesterday, I came across the below entry, which purportedly includes 19 uses for vodka other than imbibing that may or may not have you "surprised just how much this liquid can do." Funny. The morning after drinking my fair share of it, either sitting on or facing the toilet, I'm always surprised by how much this liquid can do. Nineteen of them, eh?


Nope. The linked page—a post on one of MSN's blogs—actually only features six uses of vodka that don't end in peeing it onto the alley wall of a Chinese restaurant at 2 AM while crying "A text message. Seriously. What a bitch." That's thirteen short of the promised number (for those of you who don't have a Casio C-80 calculator watch on your left wrist like I do).

Why the shortfall? Because this blogpost—front page with over three hundred diggs, mind you—is really a "blog with in a blog," to use Web'ternet jargon. That is, it's a half-assed, sloppily written synopsis—containing literally hundreds of words—of another blogpost, content that someone actually researched and creatively crafted in an effort to make it somewhat original. Can you tell how I feel about it yet?

The piggybacked blogpost is from a site called Divine Caroline, included under the section Keeping House, it's 19 non-traditional vodka uses introduced as a "you may not have known this" piece. So the content makes sense there.

Now I present to you the irony of the situation.

The blog doing the piggybacking (or should I say ripping off?) is Smart Spending, a blog with "the best money-saving tips from MSN Money" co-hosted by "experts on stretching dollars." Smart Spending's new title for the content is "Vodka: the handy household cleaner," pointing out in the opening that vodka can be used as a jewelry cleaner, stain remover and glue dissolver. O RLY?

Being a swiller of Slim Russians, my first reaction was, What a waste! And then I thought, I could go for a Slimcasian right about now. And then I made one. And then, while sipping it, I thought, Hold on, wouldn't vodka—even the bottom shelf, plastic bottled stuff purchased by sorority sisters solely for the purpose of not remembering if it weren't for the Facebook pictures—be a really expensive cleaner?

As "CL" pointed out in a comment post at 8:19 AM on 04.17.09, rubbing alcohol does the same thing—and for much cheaper. "Try Isopropyl alcohol. $.99 for 16oz. For cleaning, do NOT drink." Thanks for the warning, CL.

In the wine and spirits section at your local grocery store, you'll find a 750 ml (25 oz, thank you C-80 very much) Popov vodka bottle on the shelf closest to the floor with a price tag most likely reading "Sale $7.99$6.99." Cheap plastic bottle, cheap glued-on label, cheap vodka, all yes. Cheap "Oh, I never thought I could use that as a" cleaner? Mmm, smells like a rip-off.

In the article, author and expert dollar-stretcher Karen Datko writes "common sense dictates that you use the cheap stuff." Exactly.

Common sense dictates, Karen, that next time you decide to expertly advise on a dollar-streching household cleaner, you should stealblog within a blog about the AP's "10 Uses for Rubbing Alcohol." I'll give you the URL: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/279540. No research required.