Key exercise to the Jennifer Lopez butt workout revealed by her trainer. And it's not eating tacos.

Of the six hundred and some-odd muscles in the in the human body, the gluteus maximus—a.k.a. the buttocks, butt, bottom, bum, backside, booty, and badonkadonk (and those are just the b's)—is the largest. That's a fact proven by scientists. My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun. That's a fact proven by singing along to "Baby Got Back" with Sir-Mix-a-Lot.

Oh. My. God. Becky, look at her butt. It is so big. She looks like one of those rap guys' girlfriends.

So when it comes to the butt on Jennifer Lopez, without hesitation, you could say that my anaconda does want some. But get your mind out of the gutter. The "some" that I want is the how—as in, how did J-Lo get a butt like that? And I know it wasn't from the block, or the rocks that she got. I'm still, I'm still...

Like I said, wondering how Jenny From The Block got two Hams From The Farm slipped into her stretch pants. So I Googled "jennifer lopez butt workout," hoping to find the exercises that created an asset allegedly worthy of an insurance policy. Apparently, Lopez didn't rely on exercises. More like exercise.

After first claiming "Jennifer Lopez's most notable achievement is making a curvy body a good thing in Hollywood," an article on fitnessmagazine.com claims "Here, the exercises from Jennifer Lopez's trainer to get her butt and toned body." It goes on to cite Gunnar Peterson, relaying the one exercise he gave the magazine for working out the butt and obliques.

The exercise: Twisting lunge

A. Stand with feet parallel, arms at sides. Take a large step backward with left foot.

B. Turn so your upper body faces all the way to the left, and pivot both feet so your left foot faces forward and your right foot faces out (heel of left foot is perpendicular to right). Lower hands toward floor over left leg, being careful to keep left knee in line with left ankle. Pivot back to center and repeat on opposite leg. Do 12 to 15 reps; switch sides.

Pardon my French, but what the eff?! The only thing I got from that gibberish about exercising my butt is that I should play Twister and hope for the best. Which I did during college at an all-night, co-ed pajama party, and "the best" was an embarrassing moment brought to you by the unbuttoned fly of my pajama pants.

Why tell us with words, instead of showing us with a video? Someone should introduce fitnessmagazine.com to Web 2.0 and broadband access. As my dad told me during our birds-and-the-bees talk, some things you just have to do yourself. Sometimes while sitting in a bean-bag chair in your basement, watching Kylie Minogue kick butt in Street Fighter.

Let's get one thing straight: the movie star who first introduced American audiences to ample ass cheeks wasn't Jenny From The Block; it was the Muscles From Brussels, Jean-Claude Van Damme, who showcased his bikini brief-ed blessings to moviegoers in a morning-after-sex scene in 1988's Bloodsport. And here's a video I made featuring three butt building exercises that will give you a prayer in recreating the miracle that is Jean-Claude Van Damme's butt—the one thing wanted by anacondas everywhere.

Sign up! And receive an e-mail every other Friday about the latest MOJO from the Van Damme DOJO. I can't promise you'll get in better shape. But I guarantee your cheeks will hurt.

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