Meeting Angus MacGyver in real life turns fan into carboard. And his feelings into a poem.

While researching for a post about a possible new MacGyver movie (not another made-for-TV one, either), I did a Google image search using the term "macgyver," and it returned over 200,000 results. Definite proof that Angus MacGyver (yes, that's actually MacGyver's first name), although last seen in a new episode more than sixteen years ago, is alive and well on the Internets. And also proof that dashing good looks never go out of style—and I'll assume neither do brown leather bomber jackets, blond mullets, nor the creative application of the applied sciences to sticky situations in close proximity to explosive devices.

Why name him Angus? Isn't it obvious? You're looking at high-quality beef with a superior taste.

Displayed on the tenth page, among results 163-180, I found a picture, which I'll show below after first sharing my initial reaction to it in both stream-of-consciousness and italics.

My first impression was Sweet! An amateur photograph of a real-life Richard Dean Anderson. Man, he looks really real-life. In no way is that not actually a living, breathing, Angus MacGyver-portraying human being.

But then, after seeing the young man to Anderson's right, I thought Something's not right. He doesn't look really real like MacGyver does. Is it some sort of Photoshop trickery? Or maybe it's one of those life-sized cardboard cutouts that you see at the movie theaters. Yep, that's it!

And then I got really confused, because I thought, Wait. Wouldn't it be the other way around, with MacGyver as the cutout? Hold on. Is this one of Richard Dean Anderson's personal vacation photos, showing him posing with another celebrity, even more famous than himself? But who's more famous than MacGyver? That's definitely not Brendan Fraser. Or Christopher Walken. Maybe a young David Duchovny? Mother Effer! Who is this pale-faced man, his large, outward pointing ears mocking my awareness of celebrities more famous than MacGyver!

Maybe, after examining the photo, you'll fall victim to a similar line of thinking, a downward sloping path to lunacy. But before you start shaking your fists at God, questioning the authenticity of the reality around you like I did, I suggest you read the caption below it, written by the made-of-cardboard "Chris," the publisher of "Chris' Corner," the Web site where the photo is hosted.


"This picture was taken on March 16, 1991 after a hockey game featuring a celebrity team captained by MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson) and the 1980 Olympic Gold Medal Team captained by Mike Eruzione. I waited over two hours to meet my hero and it was worth every minute. I even had a swiss army knife with me but I was only able to get either a photograph or a autograph. I decided to get a picture with MacGyver. There has been a long running joke that MacGyver had his picture taken with a cardboard cutout of me because I was in so much shock of meeting MacGyver that I almost don't look real. I shook his hand but all I could say was, "You're my hero!" He must have thought I was a dweeb. I didn't care. Still don't."

Have I ever mentioned that I once met my own hero? I immortalized our meeting by transcribing it in short story form, about how I encountered Jean-Claude Van Damme on the dance floor at a bar, the both of us hip thrusting in high-waisted khakis with pleats. Together, we protected twin brunette "working girls" from their Ivan Drago look-a-like pimp, disfiguring his Ruskie face with simultaneously executed, 360-degree spin kicks. True story. It all took place in the parking lot of the Lucky Lady Bar and Grill, in a wetday dream I had while sitting in "SPA 17 Spanish for the Tourist" at a nearby community college. Still half dazed and fully drooling, I said aloud "Jean-Claude, I think I'm falling for..." But before I could finish, Senora Werdenstein interrupted with "En espanol, por favor." She must have thought I was a dweeb. I didn't care. Still don't.

In addition to his own photos, Chris also features his own writing at the Corner, including original poems&mdash"These poems were written by me in various times of my life." After reading one these works, I wondered if it was written by Chris shortly after meeting MacGyver, serving as an artistic interpretation of the feelings that transformed him into a cardboard cut-out that almost didn't look real.

Is This Love Real?
Someone may know all you wants and needs
Someone may know how your heart will bleed
Someone may try to love you with all their might
Someone may try to turn all your bads into rights
But only you know how you feel inside
Only you know who to confide
Only you know how your heart will feel
Only you know if this love is real.

Jean-Claude, only you know how your heart will feel, if we ever tag team to permanently indent the face of a man who bears a strong resemblance to Dolph Lundgren. Only you know if this love is real. Sorry, Senora. Sólo usted sabe si este amor es verdadero.

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