Re-'Tarded: A Recap of Famous Men Who Have Worn a Leotard.

Last month, on the episode of Saturday Night Live aired November 15th, host Paul Rudd had the show stolen from him by Justin Timberlake, who made a cameo appearance in a sketch with musical guest Beyonce. In character as a back-up dancer on the set of a video shoot for Beyonce's single "Single Ladies," Timberlake copied her choreography. But what was so funny? He also copied her outfit, donning high heels and a black leotard. (Let's Get Leotarded! Justin Timberlake steals Paul Rudd's SNL show as Beyonce's back-up dancer.")

Timberlake may be the latest male celebrity to make headlines while catching stares in a leotard, but he certainly isn't the first.

Choosing black is a trade-off for leotarded men: the color may flatteringly slim the appearance of the waist, but it unflatteringly flattens the appearance of the bulge.

The leotard is named after Jules Léotard, a French acrobatic performer during the 1860s who became famous for his flying trapeze show, in turn making famous the skin-tight one-piece garment he wore while performing—according to his entry at Wikipedia, "designed to allow unrestricted movement, and to display his musculature." But among all that musculature, was the muscle made for love-making on display par-dick-ularly? Apparently, he wore some 19th century equivalent of shorts too, effectively creating a bulge curtain. Pussy.

Tights, a perm and a mustache? The 1860s must have been the 1980s of the 19th century.

Originally confined to circus and acrobatic shows, the fashion expanded and evolved into the 20th century as it was adopted by performers of all types, performing in all types of the full-bodied tights. The following serves to highlight some of those artists and athletes who, like Jules, aimed to make their movements unrestricted and to put their musculature on display. Unlike Jules, though, these brave men's bulges went sans curtains.

Freddie Mercury
As lead singer of the rock band Queen, Freddie Mercury was known for his four octave vocal range and on-stage theatricality, which he delivered to stadium-sized crowds during the 70s and 80s. And what makes for better theater than a lithe, long-haired man of ambiguous sexuality wearing a black-and-white checkered leotard with a neck line cut so deep he could piss without wetting himself? Seriously, I'm asking. Shakespeare may have made the play his thing. But Mercury made singing on stage his thing. By wearing a skin-tight garment around his play-thing.





Jack Johnson
On December 26th, 1908, Jack Johnson defeated Canadian champion Tommy Burns, becoming the first black boxer to hold the world heavyweight title. Nicknamed the "Galveston Giant," Johnson lived a life as large as his stature, making himself equally famous and notorious. About him, sports writer and historian Bert Sugar said "I think Jack Johnson was every white person's biggest fear. He'd stolen their title. He'd stolen their myth of supremacy. And he'd stolen their white women. Other than that, he was black." And other than that, he wore a leotard. Who knew that white women would love a big, black Johnson?






Borat Sagdiyev
Portrayed by British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen (also famous for his other alter ego, Ali G), Borat is the fictional TV reporter from the non-fictional country of Kazakhstan. Misogynistic, anti-Semitic and mustached, there's not much not to love about the star of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. If you think the title is a mouth-full, then you should take a look at the outfit he wore while promoting the movie at the Cannes Film Festival. Although it's not officially listed in the Guiness Book of World Records (yet), I think it's safe to call this the World's Tiniest Male Leotard. I believe the exact name of the color is Bulging Green. Will Crayola make it a crayon?



Jean-Claude Van Damme
Others have called him the Mikhail Baryshnikov of martial arts. He's called himself the Fred Astaire of karate. I call Sarah Palin the Jean-Claude Van Damme of American politics. Regardless of what you call him, there's only one way to spell his name: s-e-x-y. Brian Thompson—Russell from JCVD's action classic Lionheart—described his carnal appeal as such: "It has to do with maleness. How you wear a pair of tight jeans. When he walks down a street, he cuts the air like a musty buck in the forest. He walks through there and the muscles quiver a little bit. And it doesn't bow its head. And it turns and looks at the world with a confidence and a grasp of his own maleness." Every time I see a picture of Van Damme in a leotard, I try to get a grasp of my own maleness. And the muscles quiver a little bit. I know what you're thinking, and, no, it's not because I'm gay. It's because I'm the Clay Aiken of straight men.

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