Clark Duke as Lance in Sex Drive: He's All That.

It's well known that behind every story, there's another story—one that's often told. But it's the story behind that story that often goes untold. And that's where the DOJO steps in, to tell the story behind the story that was behind the original story. Did somebody say story? I'd like to tell you something—the story's story's story.

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The Story.
Opening in theaters this Friday is Sex Drive, the latest R-rated exercise in teensploitation. What's it about? You mean—well, duh!—besides a high school boy's quest to cure himself of that un-coolest of conditions, virginitis. A synopsis from the movie's Web site, www.sexdrivethemovie.com:

Eighteen-year-old Ian Lafferty sets out on a cross country drive with his best friends Lance and Felicia in order to lose his virginity to a red-hot babe he met on the Internet. But the journey, filled with hilarious misadventures and raunchy escapades, teaches all three more than they expected about life and love. Randy, raucous and unexpectedly romantic, Sex Drive follows three friends on the road trip of a lifetime!

Apparently, this Sex Drive is about taking American Pie on a Road Trip. But will the journey turn out super good or Superbad?

Sombrero-wearing donuts—the only laborers cheaper than Mexican migrants.

Superbad, the late summer hit of last year, was a success both critically and commercially, earning an 87% Tomatometer and $121,463,226 in domestic box office.

Michael Rechtshaffen, in his review for The Hollywood Reporter, writes "the raunchy "Sex Drive" is by no means "Superbad," but thanks to a likable cast, neither is it superbad." Guess I'm not the only who couldn't resist a bad pun—excuse me, a super bad pun.

Perhaps Sex Drive should aim for the more modest goal of surmounting Superbad-starring Michael Cera's latest teen-o-rama drama, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, which cumed $6.4M last weekend, it's second. With it's Manhattan setting and skinny jean wardrobe, Nick and Norah is more narrowly focused on the hipster types. But Drive seems more widely appealing. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a dick joke that tickles the homophobic bone?

Apparently, critic Richard Corliss, who described Superbad as "an avalanche of d--- jokes and strenuous slapstick." I wonder which mountain-based, natural disaster-themed metaphor he'll use in his review of Sex Drive. "A mudslide of c--- humor"?

The Story Behind The Story
Playing Ian's best friend-with-a-penis, Lance, is Clark Duke. Maybe you recognize him as Dale from ABC Family's Greek. That is, if you're into watching "a new kind of family"—only the newest kinds of families have kids who are boozing underage and bumpin' uglies pre-maritally. You can't see the cutting edge when you're standing on it, folks.

In NNIP, Norah's best friend-chewing-ABC-gum, Caroline, played by Ari Graynor, manages to provide the movie's most entertaining moments, despite her secondary status (which is why she's now on my Infinite Babelist). Could Clark Duke as Lance do the same scene-stealing in Sex Drive?

New York Post film critic Kyle Smith writes:

Ian, when he isn’t getting skull-punched by his older brother (James Marsden is in top form here) is gaping at the exploits of his buddy Lance. Lance has glasses, a moon-shaped face and a belly. Obviously he is a total chick magnet - thanks to the performance of Clark Duke, who gives Lance so much completely unearned self-esteem that he actually does seem like the kind of guy who could date about six levels above his gene pool. Check him out in the jail scene: The guy commands respect faster than Tony Montana.

Dating six levels above his gene pool? Sounds like the movie career of Seth Rogen, who's next movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, has him sloppily seducing Elizabeth Banks, the babe Steve Carell hit on in the bookstore in The 40 Year-Old Virgin.

Sorry, but you're only five levels above my gene pool.

I'd say that Clark Duke, soft around the everywhere and classically un-handsome, looks to have a shot at being the next Seth Rogen, needing only the script to his own Knocked Up. And perhaps Judd Apatow will deliver it—a real possibility, given that Clark is real-life friends with Michael Cera. But who he looks like is someone completely different from Rogen. Someone who isn't even the same sex.

The Story Behind The Story, which was behind The Original Story.
After a Google image search of Duke, clicking through Greek and Sex Drive promo pics, I realized that he reminded me of another teen movie character. But I couldn't coalesce the cobwebs of memory into a recognizable face, so I did what I always do when I need some quality thinking time.

And halfway through my peanut butter and jelly on 100% wheat, one triangle of the diagonally-cut sandwich consumed, the character's face came into focus. Who?

Laney Boggs, portrayed by Rachael Leigh Cook in 1999's She's All That and a Bag of Chips. If you don't remember, Laney is the four-eyed art geek Freddie Prinze Jr. bets he can turn into prom queen. The one who, in the process of her Extreme Makeover, he didn't bet on falling for. The same one who he didn't bet on finding out about his bet on her, and yelling in his face, "Am I a bet? Am I a F@*&ING BET!" But did they eventually reconcile in her backyard, sharing an after-prom dance beside the in-ground pool, below the twinkling night sky? You bet!

And I bet Zach Siler wouldn't have guessed, nor anyone else who's thoughts aren't fueled by PB&J, the resemblance between the bespectacled Lance and Laney.

Same hair stylist.
Same style of specs, same taste in shirts. Same cup size?

I've got another idea, thanks to the other triangle of my PB&J. If Zack and Miri does well, they should make a sequel, titled Lance and Laney Make a Porno. The plot? Lance makes a bet with his best friend that he can get any girl to make a porno with him...

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