The power of a mustache and perm: Eric Sloane from Kickboxer gets some Google shine.

So far, there have been five Mustache Mondays here at the DOJO, showcasing five facial Welcome Rugs—each shaped in a different style, but each making the same promise of day time SPF 45 protection and night time NC-17 pleasure. First, there was Howard Taft's Presidentacular handlebar, the last mustache in the White House, excluding Barbara Bush's. Second was Tom Selleck's 'stache, a "chevron" that was the Ferrari of 80s facial hair. And then there was Michael Imperioli's 1973 special, a horseshoe around the mouth of Det. Ray Carling, supporting character in the upcoming ABC drama Life On Mars. Most recently was the Silent Rage below Chuck Norris's nose, a 'stache well known to be part and parcel of his Ranger beard, but once pictured by itself on Norris's hand drawn grill in the 80s cartoon Karate Kommandos. Five great men, made greater by their mustaches.

Different models. Same ride.

The purpose, however, beyond celebrating these five wonderfully mustached and relatively well-known heroes of politics and entertainment, has been to gain notoriety for a lesser known man and mustache. I'm talking about Eric Sloane, brother of Jean-Claude Van Damme in the new movie classic Kickboxer, and his bad-in-a-good-way "painter's brush"—a stroke of facial hair genius, more superlative even than his permanently dew covered perm. From the first post announcing Mustache Mondays:

"Will the Eric Sloane must-see-stache see the light of day on the first page of a Google search? I'll show it first page if it's the last thing I do. Just like Blade showed a virus-infected, near-death Nyssa her first sunrise—and it was, in fact, that last thing she did, because she was a vampire, and, as you probably know, sunlight is deadly to them."

Good thing sunlight isn't deadly to Eric's mustache, 'cause it's currently getting some shine, so to speak. On the first page of a Google search!



A victory, yes. Certainly one to celebrate: I'll be doing so tonight, drinking a six pack of MGD 64—brewed "as light as it gets" for people like me, trying to stay as sexy as it gets—while watching the bar scene from Kickboxer where Van Damme's baby-makin' loin region fluidly gyrates, obeying the drum beat commands issued forth from the jukebox...then rewinding, pausing, cooling off with a sip of 64, blotting my forehead with my wristband, and watching it all over again (repeating as many times necessary to begin, as the song says, Feeeeeelin', so good today!)

Get hot watching this.	Cool off drinking this.
	Image from www.cardinalwinesandspirits.com

However, the war's not over, folks. As you can see, the DOJO's first Mustache Monday is first page for the search terms "eric sloane kickboxer." There are plenty of people, though, who will be searching for simply "eric sloane," ignorant of Kickboxer and it's progressive-minded portrayal of a perm-headed man kicking others' asses while his own is seated in a wheelchair.

Currently, those people who plug in "eric sloane" into Google's search bar and hit the "<-' enter" key will find Dr. Eric R. Sloane. He's an anesthesiologist from Elmhurst, IL who accepts insurance plans from United Health Care and BCBS. So he can put you to sleep. But I bet he couldn't knock you out like the paint brush-wearing Eric Sloane from Kickboxer—a man who's never broken a sweat pounding the abdomen of an able-bodied drug lord from three-point-five feet off the ground, despite his perm appearing beaded with perspiration.

So Mustache Mondays will continue, it's eye on the prize of Google first page for "eric sloane." People, suffering from some sort of medical malady (excessive ass size, hm?), may be searching for a doctor. And I'm going to show those people Eric Sloane, not the MD, but the kickboxing badass—despite that ass lacking any feeling. Because, seriously, what can't a mustache and a perm cure? Well, paralysis, obviously, and probably not cancer (yet, anyways), but absolutely a bad case of the Mondays.

Next up? A mustache from the 80s hit series MacGyver. Bring a paper clip, match, piece of ABC gum, and your thinking cap, and the DOJO and Richard Dean Anderson will get you out of the potentially fatal jam that you call your Monday.

Sign up! And receive an e-mail every other Friday about the latest MOJO from the Van Damme DOJO. I can't promise you'll get in better shape. But I guarantee your cheeks will hurt.

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