Van Damme Friday Video Clip: Capri Pants for Men Edition

T.G.I.V.D.D.F. What's the best thing about Jean-Claude Van Damme? Obviously, number one is his butt cheeks. And two is his splits. But tied for third, with his spin kicks, is his dancing. That's why on Friday, the best day of the week, the DOJO celebrates the tied-for-third best thing about JCVD. Thank God It's Van Damme Dancing Friday!

Two dudes are working out together in the gym, sweaty and shirtless—you know, blasting the biceps, killing the lats, murdering the pecs, doing so freely without the undue resistance of cotton fabric sleeves. And it just so happens, one of them brought a handheld video camcorder, and it's rolling.

Is this the beginning, you may be wondering, of a gay porno? Seriously, that's what you just thought? Get your mind out of the gutter, you sick-oh. It's the prelude to the latest user-generated, YouTube video imitation of the only thing scientifically proven to make panties spontaneously combust: Van Damme dancing.

Will this imitator's gyrations make ass-coverings turn to ash, like the Sensei? Or will he just make himself look like an ass? Perhaps both.


A saying comes to mind: You've gotta give props where props are due. And, folks, they're due here. I'll admit, he did the clapping part so well that I kind of got tingly in the swimsuit area—of course, on account of the sheer imitative brilliance, so closesly mimicking the Sensei's mastery.

mhuber3483 (9 months ago) Show Hide
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that guy is spot on with the dance moves

Where does he lose marks, though? First off, in the outfit department: nothing wrong with male capris—why shouldn't a man's shorts, snugly tailored, fall past the knee?—it's just that they're so low-lying on the hips. We all know, from the Sensei's wardrobe in Kickboxer, that the higher the waist on the khakis, the higher the sexual appeal.

Secondly: put a shirt on. You've got a six-pack. Great. So do I, if my mom let's me borrow her make-up for five minutes. Are you fighting the ancient way, hands covered in glass, against the man who paralyzed your brother and forced himself upon your Asian love interest? No, so have some decency, and put on tank top, preferably skin tight and with straps that meet in the back—colored black if you want it just like Jean-Claude.

morrink (4 months ago) Show Hide
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Ha ha ha! He did not do the split though :)
Very funny!

Exactly. We've already established that his splits are the second best thing about Van Damme; so it goes without saying that without them, any imitation is second rate at best. No split legs, no panty combustion—not my rules, just the ones of physics, plain and simple.

Van Damme Dancing Grade: B
The best we've seen so far, but still plenty of room for improvement. Pretty sure, though, that his Jean-Claudesque moves, unleashed at the club, would have Thai ladies all over him in no time. And probably some Thai dudes too, who just loooooove, oh my gosh those capri-covered buns.

More Jean-Claude Van Damme facts about his dancing, splits and boners: all unknown and (not) true.

Normally at the end of the work week here at the DOJO, we celebrate T.G.I.V.D.D.F. (Thank God It's Van Damme Dancing Fridays). Why? You tell me why wouldn't we celebrate the Dance Moves Seen 'Round the World from the action classic Kickboxer, the numerous YouTube videos of them having been viewed millions of times.

No, seriously, I want you to tell me why you're deciding to just sit there in your faux leather desk chair, creating a swamp underneath your jungle gym, instead of getting up, giving your playground some breathing time, and doing your own rendition of the silkiest, smoothest, sexiest bodily gyrations ever captured on film. Yes, even sexier than Patrick Swayze's dirty dancing. And that's a fact, people—no ifs, ands, but definitely some butts about it.

Earlier this year, I unveiled ten facts about my sensei, Jean-Claude Van Damme, each previously unknown, each true in the Bill Clinton "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" kind of way.

This past weekend—seemingly because the only date he can get is with his webcam—Bert Werd, Blogging Gentleman 2.0, made a video blog about them. Bert sticks in actual footage from Bloodsport, Kickboxer, and Double Impact. But more importantly, he sticks to the facts.